THE COLBERT REPORT Defends STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Lightsaber

During last night's episode of Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert returned from his Thanksgiving break to discuss "a major confict once again in a troubled desert region."  And if you're at all familiar with the show, you could probably guess he wasn't referring to Iraq or Syria.

To audience applause, Colbert showed footage from the new teaser trailer to J.J. Abrams' upcoming film Star Wars: The Force Awakens that broke the internet faster than a greased-up Kim Kardashian could ever hope to do.  "The new Star Wars trailer dropped over Thanksgiving weekend and it was all anyone in my family could talk about," said Colbert, "which unfortunately, led to my Aunt Rita saying some horribly racist things about the Gungan."

Colbert talked about how he had the opportunity to see the original Star Wars in 1977 two weeks before everyone else.  "I tried to explain how everything was different now because nobody had seen it.  They thought my Darth Vader impression was just asthma...though, I will say I did get out of gym for a month."

"And let me tell you, folks," continued Colbert, "this trailer has got everything you want in a Star Wars movie -- wakesurfing X-Wings, R2-D2's head playing soccer, even a black Stormtrooper.  So for the record, Jawas, if he stops you and frisks you, it's not racist.  Also, you're kind of asking for it with those hoodies."

"That's not even the best part, folks -- check out this awesome lightsaber," he added, referring to the cross-hilt lightsaber shown being operated by a Sith.  "It's a lightsaber with two mini-lightsabers on it!  It's a menage-a-sabre.  Sadly, there are some stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerfherders out there who aren't thrilled with the new Jedi weapon.  They say if these things are supposed to protect your hands like sword hilts, it wouldn't work because the first time you cross lightsabers and it slid down to the bottom of the blade, your opponent's lightsaber would chop through the little side sabers and take off your hand.  Or, as it was stated on Twitter..."

hilt on light saber stupid and impractical childhood ruined everything ruined!!!1!
— Bill Corbett (@BillCorbett) November 28, 2014

"Well, I say it's a perfect design," argued Colbert as he pulled out a crudely-drawn version of the lightsaber on a wipe board.  "See, here's how it works, I've done my analysis, okay?  People think it's actually three different plasma streams, but it's all one.  The long beam, it comes out and the two smaller beams at the bottom, okay, they're still attached to it.  They don't start where the little metal hilt ends, okay, they're attached to the other beam inside.  The metal hilts are just casings around the beams to protect your hand.  Even if someone slices through the metal, they're gonna hit the beam right there.  Any Padawan knows that."

"Now, I know what you're thinking," he continued in a mocking tone, "you're saying 'But Stephen, in the trailer, the first light beam comes out before the other two.  How could it all be one beam?'  Well, Greg, it's simple...You just need three focusing crystal activators to split the plasma into perpendicular blade energy channels.  Confused?  Well, you'll understand in two weeks when you catch up to where I'm at."

Greg, whoever he is, could not be reached for comment.

If you'd like to check out the full video, you can view it below thanks to Colbert Nation...

Star Wars: The Force Awakens is scheduled to arrive in theaters on December 18, 2015.

DANGEROUS HABITS Episode 06: "Rage of Caliban" is Up!

"You know, I've never punched an angel, but you are begging for it, mate."

My friend and co-host Karen Lindsay and I are back once again with the next episode of Dangerous Habits: The Constantine Podcast!

We give our thoughts on "Rage of Caliban," the second sixth episode of Constantine, including things like shuffling the episode order, ending the boxers vs. briefs debate, Chas the Lunch Nazi, finally get an explanation of why Buzzkill Manny is so useless, The Fox series The Following, The Omen choir, the importance of watching the movie Die Hard, Nightmaster's Sword of Night, what the deal is with Chas' wife Renee, Chas as the Kenny McCormick of Constantine, another iTunes review, Scooby-Doo references, the importance of Hellblazers trending #SaveConstantine and #Constantine on Twitter, the smugness of the Cancellation Bear, and more!

You can check out the episode HERE and for those of you who use iTunes, we're already available HERE, so please subscribe and rate us! If direct download MP3s are more your thing, you can find those HERE as well. In addition, we have our Dangerous Habits show page on Facebook, which you can check out HERE. And we're also on Twitter using the account @DangerousHabit5 because some bloody arse already claimed @DangerousHabits.

Be sure to share these with all of your friends, enemies, demons, angels, sorcerers, ghosts, whomever, and help build our new podcast into something special. Oh, and send us your thoughts about the show or the podcast via Twitter and Facebook. As soon as we get some more, we'll be reading them on the podcast.

Have fun watching the next episode, "Blessed Are the Damned," on NBC this Friday night, then keep checking iTunes, Libsyn and the Southgate Media Group website for our next Constantine review!

NEXT STOP EVERYWHERE Episode 13: "51st Anniversary Special" is Up!

"Let me get this straight...A thing that looks like a police box, standing in a junkyard, it can move anywhere in time and space?"

My good friend and co-host Jesse Jackson and I are back with another episode of Next Stop Everywhere: The Doctor Who Podcast!  Ah, but this time there are three of us as the awesomely cool Karen Lindsay returns!

We recorded this episode on November 23, 2014, Doctor Who's fifty-first anniversary, so naturally we cover our favorite Doctors, what got us into Doctor Who, ye olden days watching Doctor Who on PBS, the return of Doctor Who in 1996, the real return of Doctor Who in 2005, the eternal wait to download "Rose" on dial-up, Peter Capaldi's first season as The Twelfth Doctor, our favorite companions, who would make a good companion for the Twelfth Doctor, who should be the showrunner after Steven Moffat leaves, terrifying monsters, more of our plans to review classic stories starting next week, and more!

And for those who still aren't aware of this yet, we're available on iTunes RIGHT HERE as well as Stitcher RIGHT HERE, so please subscribe and tell your friends about us. If you're looking for direct MP3 downloads, you can find them RIGHT HERE as well. Oh, and don't forget we have an officially official Next Stop Everywhere Facebook page and Twitter account, so be sure to Like and/or Follow us, okay?

Be sure to come on back next week for our review of Jon Pertwee's first story, "Spearhead from Space," and look for more of Next Stop Everywhere on  iTunes, Libsyn, Stitcher and the Southgate Media Group website!

DANGEROUS HABITS Episode 005: "Danse Vaudou" is Up!

"Voodoo's nothing but a magical excuse for a party."

My friend and co-host Karen Lindsay and I are back once again with the next episode of Dangerous Habits: The Constantine Podcast!

We give our thoughts on "Danse Vaudou," the fifth episode of Constantine, including things like how migraines are not good, the BBC series In the Flesh, Jim Corrigan (the future Spectre), taking a whiz in an alley, Zed's BDSM harness, Chas getting his ass kicked by a ghost, the return of snappy dresser Papa Midnite, Cedilla's skull from Hellblazer #71-75, bodysnatching, the movie Poltergeist, a review posted on iTunes, Blazing Saddles, Constantine halting production after 13 episode and the possible Season Two, and more!

You can check out the episode HERE and for those of you who use iTunes, we're already available HERE, so please subscribe and rate us!  If direct download MP3s are more your thing, you can find those HERE as well.  In addition, we have our Dangerous Habits show page on Facebook, which you can check out HERE. And we're also on Twitter using the account @DangerousHabit5 because some bloody arse already claimed @DangerousHabits.

Be sure to share these with all of your friends, enemies, demons, angels, sorcerers, ghosts, whomever, and help build our new podcast into something special. Oh, and send us your thoughts about the show or the podcast via Twitter and Facebook. As soon as we get some more, we'll be reading them on the podcast.

Have fun watching the next episode, "Rage of Caliban," on NBC this Friday night, then keep checking iTunes, Libsyn and the Southgate Media Group website for our next Constantine review!

X-MEN: APOCALYPSE Casts Oscar Isaac as Apocalypse

Ready the Horsemen...Here comes Apocalypse!

Variety reports that the upcoming Bryan Singer film X-Men: Apocalypse has cast Oscar Isaac in the role of Apocalypse, the film's central villain.  Apparently, Singer had been meeting with actors for the past couple of weeks but Variety's sources said Isaac always seemed like the type of actor Singer wanted for the role and the long-time favorite from the start.

The 35-year-old Guatamalan is best known for his starring role in the 2013 film Inside Llewyn Davis and has had roles in the films The Bourne Legacy, Sucker Punch and the 2010 adaptation of Robin Hood.  He also has roles in the upcoming movies A Most Violent Year and Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

X-Men: Apocalypse will be the third in the trilogy of X-Men films that began with X-Men: First Class (set in the 1960s) and X-Men: Days of Future Past (partially set in the 1970s).  The movie is expected to be set in the 1980s and will reportedly feature younger versions of classic characters such as Cyclops, Jean Grey and Storm, in addition to the returning cast of James MacAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Hugh Jackman, Nicholas Hoult and Evan Peters.

Created in 1986 by Louise Simonson and Jackson Guice, Apocalypse first appeared in X-Factor (vol.1) #6 as the master of a group of villains called the Alliance of Evil.  Later stories revealed that he was En Sabah Nur ("The First One"), the first mutant born 5,000 years ago in Aqaba, Jordan.  A scientific genius, Apocalypse has a variety of powerful mutant abilities that have been augmented with Celestial technology. 

Seemingly immortal, Apocalypse traveled the world, convincing civilizations that he is a god and manipulating them into fighting wars.  After spending many years in suspended animation, Apocalypse awoke in the modern era, briefly employed the Alliance of Evil, then recruited various mutants to serve as his personal guard, The Four Horsemen. 

Isaac will be the first actor to signficantly portray Apocalypse in live action, although the character appeared in a brief teaser after the closing credits to X-Men: Days of Future Past, played by Brendan Pedder.  Previously, he had appeared in the animated series X-Men (voiced by John Colicos and James Blendick), X-Men: Evolution (voiced by David Kaye), and in an unspeaking role in Wolverine and the X-Men.

X-Men: Apocalypse is scheduled to arrive in theaters on May 27, 2016.

CONSTANTINE Halts Production with 13 Episodes, Season 2 Still Possible

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, Hellblazers...

Deadline reports that the NBC series Constantine will halt production after its initial 13 episode order.  The cast and crew were notified of the decision three days ago after completing production and the series will remain in its usual Friday 10 p.m. slot for the remainder of its run.

However, according to the article, Constantine still has a chance for a second season, possibly similar to how NBC airs 13-episode seasons of Hannibal.  NBC supposedly had to make a decision whether to keep Constantine in continuous production with little ratings information.  Because the show was delayed until late October when NBC’s Friday genre block begins, the network had to make a call whether to order additional episodes after only four episodes had aired instead of at least seven, the norm for a new series.

Daniel Cerone, Constantine's showrunner, confirmed the article's accuracy on Twitter, stating that the decision for Season 2 is in fans' hands...

The producers are confidant. Constantine higher ratings than Hannibal and CLIMBING. Hannibal got 2nd season. So keep watching! #Constantine
— Daniel Cerone (@DanielVCerone) November 24, 2014

The suits at NBC may have been encouraged by the show’s +38% week-to-week ratings jump for Episode 5, "Danse Vaudou," this Friday — earning a 1.1 among adults 18-49 in Live+Same day, the show’s highest mark since the series debut, and by its best retention of the Grimm lead-in, also since the series debut.  Constantine also has a strong fan base because of the Hellblazer comics and has seen big DVR improvements, recently rising +81% in Live+3 for Episode 4, "A Feast of Friends," regarded by fans as a possible creative turning point in the series.

NBC showed support for the show, running a marathon of the first four episodes on Syfy last Thursday and revealing that Constantine cast members will appear on the network’s broadcast of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade.  It's not known what will replace Constantine on the schedule after its run, but Hannibal seems most likely.

GLOBAL FREQUENCY Gets Pilot Commitment from Fox

Are you on the Global Frequency?

That's the question Fox may be asking you next fall after giving a pilot production commitment to a new television adaptation of Warren Ellis' DC Comics/WildStorm series Global Frequency.

According to Deadline, the show "will chronicle the workings of The Global Frequency, a privately funded crime-fighting operation that uses worldwide crowd-sourcing to solve crimes the police cannot."  Jerry Bruckheimer is executive producing the drama series along with Jonathan Littman, KristieAnne Reed, Rockne S. O'Bannon and yes, Ellis himself.  O'Bannon, creator of Farscape and Defiance and writer for NBC's Constantine, will script the pilot.

Global Frequency will be the fourth Warner Bros./DC Comics property being developed for next season, after Supergirl, which has a series commitment at CBS, Titans, which is being developed for TNT, and Lucifer, which has a put pilot commitment at Fox.

Created in 2002 by Ellis and twelve different artists, Global Frequency was a twelve-issue science fiction limited series that explored the Global Frequency, an independent and covert intelligence organization headed up by the mysterious Miranda Zero, whose purpose is to keep the world safe from secret government projects unknown to the general public.

This will be the second television pilot based on the property.  In 2005, Survivor executive producer Mark Barnett developed a Global Frequency television series with Michelle Forbes as Miranda Zero, Josh Hopkins as Sean Flynn, Jenni Baird as Dr. Katrina Finch and Aimee Garcia as Aleph.  The characters of Sean Flynn, an ex-policeman who accidentally stumbled on a Global Frequency mission and Katrina Finch, a brilliant scientist with expertise in multiple fields, were created specifically for the series.

Unlike Ellis' comic book series, which had an ever-changing cast of field agents, Flynn and Finch were to be regulars along with Zero and Aleph, with other Frequency members coming in as and when necessary in supporting roles.  This would allow for the character continuity expected of a television series and yet allow other characters to be killed off as in the comic book.

Another script was in development for The CW in 2009, but the project failed to go to pilot.